Chicken Cloning Project Gone Shockingly Wrong Could Threaten Life As We Know It!
Minneapolis – April 1, 2023 In 2011, paleontologist Jack Horner, in a TED talk that quickly went viral, announced that he was undertaking a project to genetically reverse-engineer chickens into dinosaurs. “When our dino-chicken hatches,” he promised, “it will be our poster-child, or what you might call the poster-chick, for technology, entertainment, and design.”
Three years later, in November of 2014 Horner affirmed in a Washington Post interview that the project was underway and discussed progress. He suggested “I’d be really surprised if we don’t have them [dinosaurs] in 10 years.”
Those ten years have almost passed and little to nothing has been heard regarding Horner’s “chickenosaurus” project. Randy’s Chicken Blog dispatched a crack team of investigators to scrutinize this project, and to determine what, if any, progress has been made.
In an amazing scoop, the crack team has cracked into a shocking discovery that will shock the world. The team interviewed a scientist who was employed in a senior position at a top-secret cloning facility in a remote, sparsely populated, and ominously creepy area in northern Montana. The scientist, who chose to remain anonymous, divulged some shocking information.
The scientist, whom we will refer to as “Dr. X” (not the same person as the Dr. X in the 1932 horror film) gave this shocking account of the project. “Everything was going so well! We had it in the can! We had a prototype with the teeth, the tail, the claws—everything! The final step was to clone that prototype. We produced almost 700 clones and injected them into chicken eggs, put the eggs in incubators and waited for them to hatch. Then, one dark and stormy night, our most vulnerable looking, easily-frightened, loudest screaming lab assistant was on duty. And he heard pipping noises from the incubation chamber. He went to investigate, and sure enough there were pip marks on an egg. And there was obvious movement on the inside. He moved closer to get a better look. And then it happened! It was shocking!
“A tiny, perfectly formed replica of Russian President Vladimir Putin karate chopped his way out of the egg! Soon the other eggs were hatching and they were all the same. Every egg that hatched, all 666 of them, produced tiny duplicates of Putin! Lilliputian Putins! Shocking! Our project obviously had been hacked by the Russians!”
The incident Dr. X described took place exactly a year ago. What happened next? Dr. X explained. “The chickenosaurus project was in shambles. And then they had to deal with all the chickenoputins. So, we acquired a tiny mist-shrouded island off the coast of Brazil and that’s where they’ve all gone. It’s a whole new project. They code named it “Boys from Brazil” so as to not raise suspicion. Everybody will think it’s a charity organization. The island is inescapable, so the world is safe.”
The crack team at Randy’s Chicken Blog was intrigued by the possibility of a Russian hack. It has been widely rumored that Russian President Vladimir Putin frequently uses body doubles and we wondered if there could be a connection.
So, we reached out to the Kremlin. A Russian spokesman, who chose to remain anonymous, issued a short statement. The spokesman, whom we will refer to as “Mr. X” (not the same person as the Mr. X of the Resident Evil franchise) said this. “Russia had nothing to do with it. I consulted the President for confirmation and he emphatically agrees. Every single one of him!”
SOMEWHERE ON A MIST-SHROUDED ISLAND OFF THE COAST OF BRAZIL….
